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The girlfriend experience - What is it?


This was a question I received that was going to be part of a Q&A episode, but it turned into its own post. For so many people, the experience of being “seen” is one much longed for, but something that is very difficult to find. Maybe it’s a sign of the times, clinging on for dear life in the relentless and frenetic busyness we find ourselves in nowadays, where people are so ensconced in their own lives that they don’t have the time or the energy to really pay attention to others. There is something about really, truly being seen by another that is deeply seductive and intensely nurturing. And that’s what the GFE can deliver. The girlfriend experience. Poorly demonstrated in the film of the same name, starring an almost comatose Sasha Grey as $2000 per hour escort Chelsea whose character, whilst possessing breathtaking beauty and sexual prowess, exhibits such little personality that I would be amazed that she would have any regulars at all.

Sasha Grey is absolutely gorgeous but my god, that character. I’m not sure if the performance was deliberate – that the character of Chelsea was supposed to have the personality of a wet mop – or if Miss Grey simply doesn’t have much pizazz about her on a personal level.

Chelsea (or Sasha) comes across as so cold that even I found it hard to like her, and I didn’t part with a cool $2000 to see her. To me, Chelsea’s complete lack of warmth or charm is a world apart from the manner of an excellent GFE provider.

So, what makes up a GFE?

It’s partly about service and what’s included. It would be hard, nigh on impossible, to provide a GFE without good kissing. Without it, things would usually shift into a casual sex buddy type experience. It's important to note that all GFE providers offer different things in their service, and some offer a GFE without kissing. However, kissing is usually synonymous with a GFE. The physical part of the GFE booking is about affection and intimacy. The acts themselves are, for the most part, less important. But generally, there is lots of delicious kissing, warm cuddling and caressing. The things you probably love about being with a girlfriend. What’s not to be expected in a GFE are natural services. Yes, in a monogamous relationship, sex without condoms can be thoroughly enjoyed, but when you’re with a sex worker, there are some boundaries that are not crossed. Some workers include BBBJ, and others offer CBJ within a GFE. Services like CIM, COF, anal sex, gagging and hair pulling are usually reserved for PSE (porn star experience) services. Each worker has their own boundaries, so (as always) it’s essential to check the service list or ask them directly so that you know what is ok and what’s not. Don't be shy to ask for what you want!

Rather than the physical actions, a GFE is almost more definable by the lady herself and the way she is with her client. She will be friendly, interested in her client, and engage in talking and laughing with him. This is what builds the connection that underlies a GFE. Really being interested in your lover, really noticing them, seeing them for who they are enables you to touch them on a deeper level. It may be more fashionable these days to say that sex should be the way most porn is currently – fast, anonymous, hard, and frankly, arguably soulless fucking. It’s expected of men that they want that and that alone, and that it’s a woman’s domain to want the soft, sensual, connected love-making. In fact, most people, in my experience anyway, like all of the above at the right time. The beauty of having some connection is that you can do all of those things with a lot more intensity. There’s plenty of room for hard, fast fucking in a GFE – just with some soul! I know from experience that men love all aspects of sex – intimacy, foreplay, fast, slow, hard, soft, kink, fucking, love making, romance and filth! (As do I!) And, it's about good, plain fun. When you know someone and you're comfortable with them, you can just relax, and play, and explore different things... There's just that sexy feeling of smooth, effortless ease. Often, the GFE turns into a regular relationship, and you can get to know each other better. I have clients I’ve been seeing for years, which is just wonderful. We know each other well as people, and we like each other. It’s comfortable, and easy. We are finely tuned to each other’s sexual preferences and fit together naked like our own personal jigsaw pieces, the sex just flows without difficulty and we can be straightforward about our mutual desires. We often have dinner or lunch bookings as well. We combine great conversation, laughs, and satisfying sex with a particular kind of friendship, trust, and the ability to be open and authentic. They share their thoughts and feelings with me, we talk about troubles they might be having. We trust each other and it feels great to be around them. All in all, this makes us both feel special, cared for, nurtured. Because everyone is special, and everyone deserves to feel that way. To spend some time with somebody who has paid attention enough to find the unique and extraordinary qualities that exist within them. Everybody deserves to be pampered!

#QA #bookingtypes #sexwork

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