Wednesday, 01 October 2014
This was a post that originally began as a “Q&A with Lara” post, but then it kind of expanded into a new post of its own. So, I decided to make it into a stand-alone contribution. It may not be for everyone, and some people will hate a post like this, but that’s fine because I for one, and probably most of my friends, are happy to give those clients a miss. There is a lid for every pot, as they say!
This post is really about you – the client. It’s about how you can get the best out of the sex worker you have chosen to spend both time with, and your hard earned dollars in the company of. The following points are the secrets that we wish you knew in order for us to best look after you. They form essential intel for the savvy, fabulous client who wants an amazing experience for both he and his companion. So, read on for the first instalment.
What you get out of the following:
• A happy companion, a friend, a listening ear, a naughty playmate • An easier booking process next time – they can fit you in, they are willing to fit you in and not ban you • A genuine experience, with a companion who genuinely enjoys being with you, having sex with you, and sharing themselves with you. Someone who yields to your touch, who gets goose bumps when you breathe on their neck. When they laugh, they mean it. When they hug you, it’s real. When they come… Well, you get the idea.
What your sex worker gets out of the following: • Relaxation, a great time with you and more than likely, plenty of fun and orgasms • A client who makes the booking an easy process for them, meaning they can fully focus on your service • Job satisfaction
1. Let’s get the ball rolling – making a booking.
This part is easy. Making an appointment with a sex worker is similar to making an appointment with any other type of business. Let’s compare.
Rueben wishes to make an appointment with a dentist. He does a spot of internet research and makes a choice of practitioner. He looks over the dentist’s website, familiarizing himself with the dentist’s services, prices and hours. He then checks the contact details and follows the preferred method of the dentist and himself. This could be an online enquiry form, or perhaps a phone call. In his enquiry, he includes a polite greeting, his name, and what service he is looking to get from the clinic. He also asks for his preferred day/s and time/s. Someone from the clinic is able to work with this information to collaborate with Reuben to come to an agreement about an appointment time that works for both parties. At no time does Rueben send a text saying, “hi sexi” or “u avail”, nor does he send a photo of his genitalia, nor does he ask, “I have really nice, big teeth, u will luv them. How bout a discount?”, nor does he call the dentist outside his hours, such as 3am on a Sunday, nor does he abuse the receptionist when she cannot accommodate his requested appointment time by throwing a tantrum, nor does he engage in a thousand ping pong texts/calls/emails with the clinic, because it’s Just. Not. That. Hard.
I’ve outlined a clear and concise method of booking in another blog post, if you require a reference point.
Similarly, unless you’ve read otherwise, try not to make bookings via forums, or social media – you’re assuming the worker will see the communication, which they may not.
If you get this right, everything will go swimmingly. Making a booking properly with a sex worker is like foreplay, and gets everything off on the right foot.
2. Cancellation can be a tricky thing. However, there are ways of handling this with class and style. If you need to cancel, give your sex worker as much notice as possible. Make sure they get your message, by following up to ensure they’ve seen it. Always cancel if you’re sick, or if you might be sick. Don’t show up sounding ill or with a cold sore or weeping red eyes and then get into a lather when the worker tells you that you can’t stay. You’re risking their health and unlike an office job, they can’t do theirs if their wellbeing is compromised. Just cancel and apologise.
If you are cancelling on someone who is touring, someone who booked a room to see you, or within a short time before the booking (same day or night prior, for example) offer a cancellation fee. The classiest gesture is to offer a good portion of the fee. At least to cover the room is fair. I have had various clients pay me in full, which is not expected but very lovely and kind. Their loveliness has not been forgotten. Don’t be a tightarse. I know it’s hard to part with money when you’re not getting a service, but try to remember that this is someone’s income, their living. When it comes to sex work, once the time has passed, our opportunity to make income has disappeared. It’s not like a product on a shelf that sits there, waiting to be sold, no matter how many people decide not to make the purchase. So, be respectful and make a gesture of some kind at least.
Let’s turn the tables. If the worker cancels on you, don’t launch into a petulant freak out. Remember this crucial, oft-overlooked detail: this is their job, so it’s actually in their best interests to see you so that they get paid. Usually, sex workers only cancel when they really, absolutely have to, not because they feel like ruining your day. They will cancel because they cannot provide you with the service you are paying for. It would be remiss of me to show up to your booking knowing I am going to let you down, especially when you are spending a significant amount of money. If we cancel, it’s better to thank us than to get over-emotional. We’ve done you a favour and saved you money that you can now spend on another service provider. So, be cool.
3. Follow the instructions you’re given.
Different sex workers work differently, depending on their situation. For example, I require a phone call from an unblocked number to confirm the booking time. Then, I will ask for a confirmation (usually the day prior) and ask you to call me within about half an hour before our appointment time so that I can give you the address and directions. When you arrive, I ask you to call me from a certain discreet place for me to give you the final details. Thus, demanding I text the address is pointless, and unappreciated. Or, interrupting me and telling me where I am located, even though you’ve never been there before. Or calling me from right outside the neighbour’s balcony using my work name and asking me “Lara, which apartment is your incall?” at the top of your voice. If you are patient and relaxed, you can follow the instructions that you get, the worker can get you sorted with any details you require, and then, they won’t feel like strangling you upon arrival. The point is, they've done this before. Whether you think it's annoying or silly, is not the point. There are reasons why we do the things we do, refined by actual lived experience working in the industry, and if you just go with it you'll be naked and having a very fine time before you know it.
If your worker is coming to visit you, the same rules apply. They will have their own protocols to follow, so be prepared to go with them. Usually we will want to know your full name – this is so we can call the hotel and confirm that you are staying there, not so we can place a full-page ad in the paper that you saw us or for any other crazy, privacy destroying reason. We don’t care who you are, we don’t have any interest in stalking you or outing you to anyone. It’s a security thing and it keeps us safe. If we feel safe, we feel relaxed. A relaxed sex worker = good times for you.
4. Be on time.
If you’re running early or late, send a quick text or call to let your worker know. If you’re early, it might not be ok to arrive early – when it comes to private workers, we don’t have a receptionist to let you in, and often no waiting area for you to relax in. If you’re late, it could be a problem for us in terms of the rest of our day. Often, we can still give you your full time, but sometimes, we may not be able to go over. If you wear this with grace, we will be super impressed and the karma will roll right on through to your booking. And the next one.
5. When you arrive at the door, knock quietly, and when you are welcomed inside, remember that discretion is a two way street.
I whisper hello to my clients at the door, as I endeavor to not only be seductive, but as private and discreet as I can for three individual parties – you, me, and my neighbours. Some clients totally miss this and boom, “HELLOOOOO LARA!” for all and sundry to hear. It’s lovely to welcome an excited client into one’s boudoir, but really, if you can be mouse-quiet upon arrival, it’s so, so appreciated. It preserves my privacy, as well as yours, so that any sticky-beak neighbours aren’t compelled to play hall monitor. This equally applies upon departure.
Points six to ten will be posted soon – stay tuned!