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Q&A with Lara


Saturday, 27 April 2013

I’ve received a number of questions now that people have asked me to address in my blog, so I decided to create some “Q&A” style posts. As in, question and answer style, not with Tony Jones at the helm and taking things as a comment. It may not be as intellectual or stirring as ABC’s Q&A, but I can promise it will contain far less political posturing, little-to-no mention of the carbon tax, and will definitely never involve Christopher Pyne in any way, shape, or form. Much less his voice. Or his snooty, arrogant manner. Or… Stop it, Lara. Save it for Twitter on Monday nights.

So here goes!

Q: How should I approach an escort/try to book someone?

A: This may seem obvious to many readers, but for some, it is a nerve-wracking process. However, I’ve actually been asked to answer this question several times, and from sheer experience, I know that there is a lack of knowledge around this issue. I think that there are many things in the sex industry that we either take for granted or assume that everyone should know, but there’s no education or passing along of knowledge for many people! If you don’t ask, you can’t be expected to know.

Here’s some examples of how NOT to approach/email/text/DM a sex worker:

“Hi Lara. Can I see you?” – Yes. That’s why I’m advertising.

“What’s your service like?/Do you kiss?” – See my website.

“Hi Lara. When are you available?” – See my website.

“What’s your availability?” – How long is a piece of string? On what day/s? In the evenings? For the weekend?

“Hi Lara. I’m in Sydney next week. I’d like to see you. John.” – When are you in Sydney? When would you like to see me?

“Hi Lara. Can I see you on Friday?” – When? Morning, afternoon, evening? Where? For how long?

Don’t even dream of this type of approach, many escorts won’t bother to reply at all:

“R u avail?”

“Booking?”

“U free?”

“hi”

“?”

“Anal?”

(N.B. The above are all examples of text messages I have personally received. Yes. Even the last few. Seriously.)

Some ladies won’t reply to enquiries featuring text spelling and/or poor spelling and grammar. Few ladies will reply to rude or crass enquiries. Do not:

- send a photo of your genitalia

- describe your genitalia, specifying how big it is and how satisfying it will be to her

- include a request for a discount

- say she should discount her rate as you will give her the time of her life

- send a request detailing your plan to meet her, but not pay her, as you are “just lookin 4 a gud time”.

Many of these approaches are (irritatingly) common, but let me assure you, they do not work.

Here is an ideal, dreamboat, and sexy approach.

  • Read the lady’s ad or website. If there’s something specific you’re looking for, look for it. Find the information and take note. If it’s not there, ask in your contact. She has taken a lot of time to write the copy on her profile or site, and it won’t take you long to do a quick read through to locate the details you need.

  • Choose the method of contact the lady specifies in her ad or on her website, if possible. If not, just be polite in the manner in which you can contact her.

  • This is a sample email that is ideal. It could easily be amended slightly for text message or for phone call purposes.

“Hi Lara,

My name is John [insert something pleasant or complimentary here if you like: and I love your website/photos/blog/writing]. I will be in Sydney next week and was hoping to meet with you for an outcall [this way I know if you want an incall or an outcall - this is important for my scheduling purposes] either on Tuesday the 3rd or Wednesday the 4th [if you can, presenting the lady with options can be helpful, but it's not essential] at around 7pm for two hours [time, duration]. I am staying at the Intercontinental. [Insert any preferences here: I love suspenders and would love for you to wear some black lingerie with stockings/bring some toys/pour custard all over me in the shower.]

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

John x”

You can feel free, of course, to add in some of your own personality here, but that’s a good, basic outline.

This type of approach will get you the quickest reply (partially simply because the nature of your request has given your chosen lady all the information she requires to reply as soon as she can), and also, as you probably are hoping, a booking, quick smart. The lady will also be in raptures over how fabulous you just were and how great she now imagines you will likely be in the booking. The initial booking process is really very important – she chooses who she sees. You have the power here to set the tone for your appointment with her.

Q: How much are you really yourself with clients?

A: I think I am myself vastly more than anything. Perhaps a slightly more “ideal” version of myself, but myself in many ways.

I don’t have the energy to pretend too much. Putting it all on is way too exhausting for me anyway. I know some ladies who have entire other personas, which is fine and works for them, and I totally get it. It’s also a good security measure not to give away too much personal information where you happen to be chatting to a maniacal stalker who is mentally linking up everything you say and figuring out exactly where you’ll be on Monday at 2.15pm (it does happen), so I would venture to say that anyone should not take it personally if a sex worker doesn’t reveal reams of information about herself to you – it’s most likely not about you, and about the fruitcake she was once pursued by against her will. But I just really can’t fit in too much fakery. My brain doesn’t like it, I don’t feel comfortable with it, and I would simply forget all the fabrications! And, I simply want to enjoy my time with the gentlemen (and ladies) I see.

I like to build relationships with clients who I like and who like me, and whom I can be relaxed around. This makes my job pleasurable. And fun. Part of what I love about this work is that I can share of myself, in order to give someone something genuine. Something that is meaningful. This is something that I gain satisfaction from. That encompasses the whole booking – not just the physical parts, but also the connection on a soul level. I think this is really important for me because of the types of working relationships I tend to have – I spend a lot of time talking and listening with my gentlemen. If I have to pretend to be someone else, I can’t really achieve this. I think that when you can connect with someone else, often the sex can blossom to a fuller extent as well. As they say, the biggest sexual organ is the brain, and once the brain is keen and the endorphins are firing, there’s no stopping everything else

In saying all that, I don’t rock up to bookings in tracksuit pants, cranky with PMS (well, I attempt to cover this up as best as I can!), and Milo spilled down my favourite faded grey t-shirt with the tiger on the front. This is not least because I never get about the house in such a state and am, naturally, always irresistibly sexy and a flawless vision of erotica in a French maid’s uniform and high heels, but because it would be most unprofessional. In the world of the GFE, there are, of course, limits, that I am sure clients are grateful for. No hormonal sobbing on the sofa watching Beaches with a hot water bottle and eating ice-cream straight from the tub. No letting the hair on one’s legs grow for three days straight and wearing light purple fluffy bed socks and a hoodie. So, those parts of me you tend not to see – unless of course that’s what you would like! But you do see the loving, warm, relaxed, sexy and sensual parts of me, the part that loves to talk and laugh, the part that loves to debate, the part that loves to get close and intimate and enjoy you, and us together.

Two questions down! I have a few more I’m in the process of replying to.

Do you have a question about the industry, but you’ve never known who to ask about it? A question about sex? About the ladies? Or about me? If you have a question for me, or a question related to one of the questions above, don’t be shy to ask it. I would love to attempt to answer it for you.

Lara xxx

#QA #etiquette #sexwork #clients #howtotreatyoursexworker

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